Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hello Free World from JR

Hello freeworld. 

My cell is about  8 x 13 to give you an idea of how big that is, I can start at one corner and in 6 steps be at the opposite corner. There are 2 chairs and a top and bottom bunk, 2 shelves, and a toilet and sink. This is where I spend 18 + hours a day. I do have a cell mate so there is no privacy at all. The 6 hours out of the cell (spaced out through the day) are spent in the dayroom with one TV packed with 20 or more people so it is crowded and always loud. As far as food, potatoes and bread are served 3 times a day and the rest of the food sucks, but there are a lot of people out there with nothing so I can't really complain. 3 hots and a cot you know? The showers are never hot, lucky if they are warm half the time, and for some reason the water is really hard on your skin. Is it easy?  No. I can't speak for everyone in lock up but for me there are a lot of psychological pressures that at times seem overwhelming. To come to grips with the fact that I am taken out of life is tough and that's what this is, the same as a child receiving time out just on a bigger scale. 

Eventually you have to reach the mindset that you have no control over what happens on the outside and what will be will be. The ones that don't do that have the hardest time. The support from the outside helps so much I can't say it enough. My girl helps me more than you can imgine, she's my rock. She reminds me that there is still a life out there, she keeps me involved in the kids lives and her life and she always reminds me how much she loves me. If you have someone in lock up let them know that you are there for them and it helps them keep their priorities stright. Boredom, depression, guilt, and loneliness are all things an inmate has to deal with. Some people think it isn't so bad on people in here, but all I can say is there's a reason a lot of people break. There are some things I didn't talk about but I'll talk about next time.  Violence, rape, drugs and gangs is a subject in itself. I will say that I know there are people in prison that talk to their moms, wives, family and friends like shit. I have no respect for those people. For some reason there are a lot of guys in here that forget that life on the outside isn't always easy. I give them props for holding it down. Katie is my hero. She is tough as hell and she's doing it all till I get home. I love and respect her. But I loved and respected her before I  got locked up and I will for the rest of my life. If there is someone in lock up that doesn't appreciate, love and trust you when they're down, they won't when they're out. Well I feel like I've blabbed enough, remember if anyone has any questions or a subject to talk about let us know. Thanks for reading.


His post always make me blush. I'm so lucky to have him in my life, I've loved him the entire time I've known him.  I think it's amazing that he and I came up with this idea for him to write about what it's like so that I am able to update people that DON'T get letters from their loved ones.  I belong to a support group called Prison Wives.  All of my notes always provide such great insight, and if I can help at least ONE person get through this...I will sleep easier at night!!  It isn't always easy knowing that I'm his main source of support, but I am, and wouldn't change that for a minute.  It does kill me inside to read about his conditions and know there is nothing that I can do to help and to make him more comfortable...but I'll give it time!

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