Monday, April 25, 2011

Dealing With Intruders

Well meaning or not, you will encounter people that just really want to gossip and be nosy about your situation. There is nothing more hurtful than knowing that others around you have been talking behind your back and making snide comments about your personal life, especially when you have moved forward and are feeling good about where you are at.

This recently happened to me and it really brought me back to a scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts is at a Polo match with her "date".  She is a prostitute, but the man who has hired her has never treated her as one.  She feels normal and beautiful in that moment, nearly like she is on top of the world.  That feeling crumbles as a collegue of the man comes up to her and suggests that they "get together" sometime.  In a split second she is brought back to where she was just a little bit ago, feeling worthless and less than those around her.

Feelings of hurt come with the territory really.  Just when you feel like you're moving forward, you're always going to have people around you who are just finding out and that means you become the topic of conversation whether you want it to happen or not.
How do you deal with the people that are shocked you are still going to stay with your husband/wife, or those that group you into a felon status with them, etc.  Here are my responses to the naysayers in your life!

1.) The naked truth: I love him. He made several mistakes, repented for them, and is giving his whole heart to restitution and restoration. I am just loving him the way that we all want to be loved.

2.) The boundary: Wow, that feels like a very inappropriate question. I am sure you will understand why I would not want to discuss such a personal issue in the workplace.

3.) The boomerang: Why, have people abandoned you when you made a mistake?

People are typically well meaning in their quest to find out more about you, but they also need to know that if it's not something you have shared before that it is probably something that you don't want discussed or gossiped about.  Finding people who respect those boundaries are hard to come by which is why this is so important.

Never allow others to beat you down for your decision to stay with your spouse.  You're in the minority!  Most people get divorced for far less.  Holding fast to your wedding vows for better or worse is nearly a lost art.  Hang in there, you know the value your spouse has even when those around you question it.

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